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Not Here

by Snacking

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1.
Unraveled 03:23
There is not a single thing I get out of this now. Seal it off or let it fall out of your mouth. Repeating lines undone, sell a way to one. Commit this or you'll forget em. You're telling me it's won, going on and on, and the lines are clearly drawn but I still can't see them. I still don't need them, a fool to think you'd leave them.
2.
Rocket Town 05:13
If I made a list of all the things of which I am afraid, I'd put dying at the top followed close behind the sound your walls make. I'm still trying to figure out how we ended up here in the first place. I'm not saying it's your fault, just a good idea left in a bad way. But why does every part of me keep shifting? It's just like the first time I had to wait it off with no call. To see through a need to be alone, it's just that I'd rather not have to wait at all. This floor is sinking along with thoughts of myself inside your house. Made a beeline, slow down. But I'm still stuck thinking of ways that I can make this less awkward now. A cryptic earful so loud.
3.
Walking backwards is a newfound superstition. We're tripping over every side of living. I might as well still try and save another life, tonight. But I know this road, somehow swarming yet alone, we're both so see-thru. I'll denounce the shitty side of living until this runs out, I'll still try to maintain another life. I still try. If honesty coincides with all the words exchanged then who's to say we didn't shoot straight. It's too long for me, an inchoate feeling all too familiar. It's too long to be another night alone, is what I'm thinking all along. But I'm too gone to see anything but me in here. If honesty would coincide with all the things I feel tonight, but changing them won't make it right. I swear I want to make it right.
4.
Quincy 03:51
Here I sit and here I wait for the ashen smog to cover over me. I will say what you won’t say, it’s a black smoke cloud, a one-two on display. I can’t hear you out when I’m trapped beneath a mountain of self doubt, but so far I haven’t learned a thing about...What’s it take to feel alive? Because I’m wound up tighter than a coil tonight. And all this time you were right so I’ll wait to pass along. I can barely breathe after countless nights when I’ve swallowed my own teeth, piled up inside with the better part of me. They just keep piling up.
5.
Hum 04:31
Howling at the wall, been ingesting tiny flakes of paint for way too long. Still can’t see anything at all and I’m not at home, not here. I’m not at home here. Solid bones won’t hold. They feed the blight, spouting mold. A cat clawed tongue, a still hushed hum, a language all its own. While I’m burning up alone, whirring thoughts still shake my bones, but I think I’m fine alone. If only you would stay the night. If only you’d stop wasting all my time. If only I could learn to be happy I’m alive, then maybe I’ll be fine.
6.
Weathervane 05:57
Move me out and move away to a place that I could never call home. Unchaperoned down highways has become my life, or what’s left of me. You’ll lure me in and then you’ll throw me out. My heart was frozen cold last year, it gave me time to figure out what I’m doing here. Blow me up to slow my pace, you’re not sorry about a thing. A dirty fuse in an old suitcase has more value then I could ever think. But can you feel the quaking in my head? It’ll rip right through my body, a tale of fraying threads. Make no mistake and come back here again. I’ll stay decaying in the wasteland. It wouldn’t take too much to notice that Boston’s just not the same, but will it ever be like then? The atrophy has gotten to me and taken over way too fast, but I’d rather be alone than dead. It’s not the same.

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released September 20, 2018

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Snacking St. Petersburg, Florida

five real ass dubes

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